Current:Home > News'The ick' is all over TikTok. It may be ruining your chance at love. -Wealth Harmony Labs
'The ick' is all over TikTok. It may be ruining your chance at love.
View
Date:2025-04-13 00:15:08
If you've been on TikTok at all during the past year, odds are you've heard of the dreaded "ick." Heck, you might have even felt it yourself while on a date.
The ick is a Gen-Zism used to describe the feeling of becoming suddenly (and, usually, irreversibly) repulsed by someone you once found attractive. Did you swoon during your dinner date, only for the chemistry to vanish once your partner pulled out his velcro wallet? You got the ick.
But be warned: Experts say that, if you succumb to this idea of the ick too easily or use it to rule out potential partners too fast, it may be a sign something's wrong with the way you feel about relationships.
Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," says this viral concept, when taken too far, is often just an excuse to sabotage one's chances at finding love.
"The ick is the cringe feeling that you get when a date does something small that suddenly turns you off," Ury says. "Icks are hilarious for obvious reasons, but they belong in a comedy show and not in a dating manual, and you shouldn't reject a potential relationship over a silly moment like this."
More:Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
What your icks say about you
Sometimes the ick points to a deeper issue in the person experiencing it. For instance, if someone has an avoidant attachment style, they may use the ick as an excuse to not get close to someone.
Ury says people with avoidant attachments styles put up walls between themselves and their romantic partners out of fear of one day being abandoned or hurt by them. They do this, she says, by using "deactivating strategies," like the ick, in order to make themselves feel less connected to the person they're dating.
"They often create these reasons to separate themselves from someone," she says. " 'Oh, I don't want to get close to someone because I actually feel like ultimately I won't be able to trust them or they'll abandon me, so let me not get close at all.' "
Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist and author of the book "Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love," coming Feb. 6, says avoidant-attached people invent reasons to convince themselves why a relationship isn't right, even when it's going well. This is why, she says, it's crucial to work on any fear of intimacy you may have, so you don't sabotage healthy relationships.
Suddenly repulsed by your partner?You may have gotten 'the ick.' Here's what that means.
The difference between an ick and a deal-breaker
Ury and Nasserzadeh say it's important to know the difference between a superficial ick and a legitimate deal-breaker.
Any person you date is going to have quirks. Some of these quirks may turn into pet peeves or icks. But these alone are not valid reasons for ruling someone out, Nasserzadeh says.
What's different from an ick, however, is when someone does something that violates your boundaries or values.
"Is this really just a quirk? Is it a pet peeve for me, or is it actually a sensitivity?" she says. "If you cross the line, call it off."
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
Ury says some icks may also be legitimate red flags if they deal with compatibility. For instance, smoking cigarettes may be more than just an ick for some.
Disagreements about values, such as what religion you'd like to raise your kids, also fall into the deal-breaker category, she says.
But if all your date did was botch a dance move, you should probably push your ick to the side.
"Give each promising relationship a fair shot and don't hit the eject button early over a ridiculous minor detail," she says. "We often think that we know what we want, but we're wrong, and we eliminate very strong potential candidates for reasons that don't matter that much."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (6385)
Related
- Apple iOS 18.2: What to know about top features, including Genmoji, AI updates
- PGA's deal with LIV Golf plan sparks backlash from 9/11 families and Human Rights Watch
- Amazon Fires Spark Growing International Criticism of Brazil
- Second woman says Ga. Republican Senate candidate Herschel Walker paid for abortion
- Nearly 400 USAID contract employees laid off in wake of Trump's 'stop work' order
- They inhaled asbestos for decades on the job. Now, workers break their silence
- Brain Cells In A Dish Play Pong And Other Brain Adventures
- You’ll Flip Over Simone Biles’ Second Wedding to Jonathan Owens in Mexico
- Why members of two of EPA's influential science advisory committees were let go
- PHOTOS: If you had to leave home and could take only 1 keepsake, what would it be?
Ranking
- Federal court filings allege official committed perjury in lawsuit tied to Louisiana grain terminal
- Suburbs delivered recent wins for Georgia Democrats. This year, they're up for grabs
- Monkeypox cases in the U.S. are way down — can the virus be eliminated?
- ¿Cómo ha afectado su vida la ley de aborto estatal? Comparta su historia
- House passes bill to add 66 new federal judgeships, but prospects murky after Biden veto threat
- ‘Trollbots’ Swarm Twitter with Attacks on Climate Science Ahead of UN Summit
- Today’s Climate: July 20, 2010
- Today’s Climate: July 29, 2010
Recommendation
Newly elected West Virginia lawmaker arrested and accused of making terroristic threats
NASA mission to the sun answers questions about solar wind that causes aurora borealis
Most teens who start puberty suppression continue gender-affirming care, study finds
Unfounded fears about rainbow fentanyl become the latest Halloween boogeyman
DoorDash steps up driver ID checks after traffic safety complaints
Sum 41 Announces Band's Breakup After 27 Years Together
Real Housewives' Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann Break Up After 11 Years of Marriage
Climate Change Is Transforming the Great Barrier Reef, Likely Forever